Its always better to pretend you know something than ask questions right?? Wrong. But if you’re the type of person who doesn’t wanna blow your cover, here are some common phrases you’re gonna hear, and how to react like a local when you hear them.
“JUST DUNZO IT”
Dunzo is a delivery and drop service that everyone uses here! You can get them to pick your laundry, your groceries, your kid… just kidding they don’t do everything… but use them! Download the app, it’ll make your life a whole lot easier in Bangalore!
“HOW MUCH DO YOU MAKE?”
We are a curious people, and if someone asks you this chances are they’re just making conversation. You might want to ask that person about themselves, engage, make it all about them… as Stuart Diamond says, “Don’t give or get information unless if brings you closer to your goals”. If your goal is to be their friend, start asking questions you’d prefer to answer about yourself.
“YOU CAN SWIGGY IT”
Swiggy is a food delivery service also known as the saviour that will bring flavour to your doorstep. You might need them to deliver the dessert for a lunch date, or even to feed an unannounced guest, either way, its the perfect solution to escape Bangalore traffic. It’s also perfect for those late nights cravings, I’m talking about the food cravings…
“CAN I MAKE FRIENDSHIP WITH YOU”
If a guy asks you this, chances are he’s not looking for friendship… without benefits anyway. Making friendship aka a relationship is what he truly means… and if you’re not up for that, tell him you’re married… but if you’re up for it, there you go… have that sweet sweet friendship you were always searching for.
“I’LL WHATSAPP IT TO YOU”
WhatsApp!! The app we all don’t want to spend that much time on but can also save us from a boring boring Sunday… its the way we all communicate freely with each other (literally its free, even calls), all you need is wifi connection or data and you’re good to go join all the social groups you want! Make sure you have solid privacy settings on there, so no random person can look your profile picture unless they’re your friend IRL.
“OLD BANGALORE” VS. “NEW BANGALORE”
Sweet, sweet old Bangalore, the green city, the place where the streets had a canopy of trees to protect from the sun, the place where the kids played cricket on the streets, rode bicycles to their schools, and spent their evenings spying on their parents’ fabulous house parties… not so much like new Bangalore… not so many trees, traffic-filled roads, high-rise buildings, and a whole new influx of the countries brightest tech-savvy youth from all over the country. You get the picture, neither one is perfect and neither one are the same… you’ll just get little glimpses of both depending of which area you’re in.
“GIVE ME A MISSED CALL”
This idea originated from a time when all incoming calls were free, and if someone didn’t have enough money on their phone they would give you a missed call so you could call them back… Today it has evolved into the way everyone exchanges their numbers. The person you’re giving your number to will ask you to give them a missed call so they can save your number… if you’re giving a wrong number to a someone, tell them you’ve run out of batteries so they contact you later. I usually just change the last digit of my number… dear person number ending with 97&*^*&^02 sorry not sorry.
“CALL URBAN CLAP TO DO IT”
Get used to it, we use a ton of tech lingo and we’ve got a ton of apps!! The Urban Clap app is a one-stop shop for all your beauty, carpenter, plumber, repair work, needs. Once you download their app you can schedule the service you need and they’ll come straight to your home! You should probably make sure you look decent when you’re inviting them into your home (aka no silky nightgown), though you may feel like a desperate housewife in your moment of distress, we don’t want to recreate an actual scene from the show…. Unless you want to, it’s a free country.
“WHAT IS YOUR GOOD NAME?”
It’s your name, its gotta be good.. so tell me what it is?? This person is probably going out of their way to be polite and friendly to you and is genuinely interesting in knowing what your name is
“OUT OF STATION”
In pre-Independence India, the East India Company used to post its officers to particular “stations”. When they used to be out from their duty stations – the officers used to be referred to as “out of station”. Today it probably means they’re not in Banglore, AWOL or just in a spaced out station.. aka not available for duty at the moment. You should probably proceed to ask when they will be back in station… and try them again at that time! Make a calendar note of the time… don’t forget…
SIDE TO SIDE HEADSHAKE
This more of an action than a phrase, but it really can say a lot! Up and down for yes, and side to side for ok!! It’s between a firm no and yes, because, life… it’s fluid! A head shake is a not so intense way of saying “if that’s what you want, that’s totally chill with me… dude”. But if it’s done with no smile, probably means, “fine dude, if this is what you want that’s okay, I guess… I’ll try and get it done.” If the last one is the case for you, you will probably wanna follow up with that person, daily, whenever you’re bored, every morning, and also highlighting what they’ll get out of it can help.
USE YOUR RIGHT HAND WHEN GIVING MONEY
As you have probably seen in many Indian paintings, and depictions, the right hand is very prominently seen. It is considered to be the sacred hand, so when you give money to someone it is considered auspicious if you give it to them with your right hand, however, no one will get upset at you if your right hand is full, and you’re physically unable to do that.
So there you have it, a few tips to keep you on your feet till you reach the nearest auto. Just remember to take things in your stride, look for the beautiful patterns rather than focusing on the things you just don’t understand. Make sweet, sweet friendship with the things you enjoy and the rest, just let go. Trust me, Bangalore will grow on you.